FedEx is desperate and so I am, so we decided to join forces and work together. Okay, that’s not necessarily true. FedEx is probably desperate but I’m not. In fact, I’m most likely the fool for wanting to work there, since it would involve a commute on my part. And who the heck wants to commute with these gas prices? Me, apparently. Nah, I’m not big on the commute, but I do think it will be an interesting experience AND a step up from being a driver-helper.
So I went to Skagit Valley Occupational Medicine today to get a DOT physical and drug test. To heck with kindness and compassion, those were 2 of the most humorless nurses I’ve ever met. Joking with the drug test nurse evidently ranks right up there with joking with airport security. In other words, not a good idea. Mind you, I wasn’t joking about drugs or anything of the sort. Rather, I was just trying to insert some levity into her day. Not a good idea and I quickly learned just to shut up. Thankfully I’m pretty good at that. I’ve got a lot of practice.
I thought the nurse in purple scrubs would be a bit less irritable. After all, she didn’t have to contend with strict drug testing regulations and more importantly, she was wearing purple! My favorite color! No one can be cantankerous in purple, right? Wrong! She had the overworked and unpaid, revolving door mentality. Get those patients in and out as fast as possible. What was I but another eye to read the chart, an ear to whisper at, a hear to beat. Another cog on the wheel, another leaf on the tree. A bit disheartening and at the same time, reassuring. Why reassuring? You go to the doctors office and you can’t help but feel a bit embarrassed in those little paper gowns. She has shown me that you know what? They really don’t care about what is under those gowns. There really is no need to be modest because they have seen it all, and you are just another warm body wanting to be dissected. Pleasant.
I was actually spared the indignity of the paper gown. I fear my eyes are failing me though. I was struggling to read the eye chart. Of course, I kept trying to read the smallest letters. She kept telling me to read the next size larger. Discouraging. In the end, my left eye was 20/13, my right was 20/20 (clearly I tested my right eye second, after it was all foggy from being shut), both eyes together were 20/15. For the hearing test we stood on opposite sides of the room, me facing the wall. She whispered for me to raise my right hand. I raised my left. Whoops. I was never very good with directionals. Then she took my blood pressure (102/70) and thankfully left. Yay!
Enter thy doctor like a breath of fresh air. Yay again! What a nice guy! The difference probably being that he is not overworked or underpaid…in fact, he only works twice a week. As you might have guess, he was a chatty fellow, he’s gotta mow the lawn this weekend. Big lawn, as he bought the lot next to him, ensuring that he would always have an ocean view. Anyway, big compliment time—he asked me if I ran! Or otherwise worked out! He said he doesn’t see many people who have the appropriate body weight for their height. That was nice! So, I passed. Thank goodness for that.